Where the fuck to start. Going to attempt some sort of order to it.

Before getting there..
- Bracey getting far too excited over a rape advert.
- Strange youtube vids.
- Turning up at the LADflat 15mins prior to departure to find Stu Law still in his bed.
- Realising Stu was having a wank.
- Getting far too stressed about being late.
- HOTrods plastic travel wallet in the station, clearly provided by his dad.
- Train leaving in 4mins, huge rush. Lindsey deciding to go for a bagel.
- Having a go at Lindsey for faffing around, then getting on the wrong train to be told by Lindsey where the right one was.
- Wearing 4 layers of clothes to save weight and space proving to be a bad, and sweaty, affair.
- Prestwick airport being even more of a shithole than I remembered.
- Feeling great that I had been prepared enough to remember not to bring any liquids on the flight, gloating about it for 5mins then running to find somewhere to ditch my toiletries.
- 5 young lads in departure lounge, heading for Malaga.. Clearly not going to have a wild week.
- On the plane and off the plane in 40mins.. How?
- Most homosexual Air Host(ess) ever..

Arrival Day / Chaos at Willies..
- Finally meeting Swilson, Jess and Abbie.. to see Abbie running around the carpark looking for somewhere to spew.
- Meeting Patch the Dog. Amazing.
- Off to Moira for Willies.
- Being very impressed by the "BIG D" in Daltons..
- Stopping at Tescos for booze, and being offered a mattress for £20 in the carpark.
- Snoop the Dog, also amazing. Likes to scratch his balls on the grass infront of girls. LAD.
- OI! WATCH THE POLYTUNNEL! THERE ARE ONIONS GROWING IN THERE!
- Me and Stu on the football injury list, so decided to sit and drink all day instead.
- My first "Harp".. Grim.
- My second "Harp".. Grim. Deciding to give it a chance..
- My 6th "Harp".. Grim.
- BBQ time.. McDonalds experience made me take complete control and getting very little food.
- The hottest BBQ I have ever stood beside. Button on my shorts melted.
- Football, average.. Germans lost to my disappointment.
- Drinks going down in high numbers.. Now the fun begins.
- Football getting rash.
- Pollock’s knob was in bits. Probably still is.
- Stu crying because everyone hated him. Again.
- Thinking the night was dying out, how wrong I was.
- Going through to the back garden, to see Willies mum and dad sitting round a burning washing machine drum.
- Everyone slowly joining them..
- Willies dad referring to the only Perth man he knows as a "Tight fisted bastard".. Amazing.
- Willies dad - "Want to learn a drinking game I used to play back in the day called International Spoof?". Yes.
- 2nd best game ever. Rash. We all knew Stu would lose too..
- Willies dad getting the guitar out, he was class..
- Bracey wasn’t bad too..
- HOTrod was shite.
- Willies mum finishing the night off with her drunken rendition of the sash on her accordion. Moment of my life.
- Sleeping in Hutch's sister’s bed with Stu.. I looked well fit in his sisters jammies.

Belfast / BAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXX..
- Waking up to find Stu giving a teddy a handjob.
- Taking Rory home, saying that he should be back at hutch’s in about 30mins while we all got ready..
- Girls letting us know they are in Belfast, waiting for us..
- 2 hours later, Rory no longer fancies it.. Train it is.
- Bomb scare on route, trains no longer running. So bussing it into Belfast, hogging the back seats like 13 year olds. SING SING AFRICAAAAAA.
- Arriving in Belfast, none of the Irish lads with us knew where to go.. Very good.
- HELLO CAMPBELL.
- Spending all day visiting Belfast going to McDonalds and Hollister.. That’s it really? Oh yeah, some AMAZING lift I HAD to go up to see all of Belfast, bitterly disappointed.
- Back at hutches, get ready for BAX.. Then Horrible Harry pitches up, reminding us all how horrible the night is about to be.
- Having to lend 'HOTrod "Billionaire Boys Club" Anderson' £40 because there was a delay in his weekly pocket money or something.. Knew I worked 5million hours a week for some reason.
- Get into box, chinning stuff starts.. Was ready for the strawpeado race, setting up my straw.. blinked, missed it. Dicks.
- Some lad had a massssive scar from getting stabbed on his belly, who was this?! He was maaaaaaassssive too.
- 2 pints for £4.. happy days. Going all so well.. Genuinely have no idea what happened in BAX.. Apart from giving Campbell far too many free pints. Dropping 4 pints. Spewing somewhere. The longest hug with Willie ever. Everyone left, apart from the GUHC who was chanting one more tune until we got the best effort of Lost Prophets ever.
- Chucking Campbell out of bed, making his look suicidal. But still getting my own way.

Giants Causeway / Stu Laws Crib (Rash)..
- Rough morning. Being bullied into being up for 10am to go see some rocks. Not a happy Gav.
- "Don’t worry, it was only the polar bear.".."Ehhh, what?".."Yeah, was just Nigel's nose I think".
- Supposedly Rory pissed on his clothes then found his shoes on the roof in the morning?
- Long long road trip up to see the rocks, weather getting worse and worse.. Feeling beyond rough. Getting roped into paying for fuel.
- Getting to the rocks, rain, wind, coldness and wearing shorts and polo shirt.
- Being very impressed by the rocks, despite them being rocks..
- Swilson climbing rocks, then stopping to turn around and shout something up to me, not realising she was in the middle of a couple posing for a photo.
- The rock that is supposed to look like a shoe does actually look like a shoe!
- My sheep jumping a fence impression went down well..
- 'Kelly’s' looked disgusting and I'm glad we didn't go there.
- Amazing lunch, well needed.
- Going to a beach, hating the sand and looking like a freak..
- Throwing Swilson to the ground and trying to undress her against her will while she screams with fear on the beach which was filled by a kid’s summer camp. Oooops.
- Reaching stu's to realise his sister was actually as fit as she looked in the photos.
- Stu already annoyed at this.
- Tame drinking while BBQ was consumed..
- Stuart Law was in a play at school and put in the most shameful performance ever. Just make sure you get him to the church on time. Massive (SH)LAD.
- Quick twist turning into one of the rashest nights ever..
- Brief Highlights....
----- A yard of ale glass was hanging on the wall.
----- HOTrods 2.3 second pint, far too much spillage.
----- HOTrods 2.0 second pint, zero spillage.
----- Tom chairing a horrible game. Stu's mum, sister and her mates having no idea whets going on.
----- Stu's sister just moaning that she wanted to sing.
----- Bop-It.
----- Willie thinking the Bop-It lad was just telling him to chin it every time.
----- Milky was the worst at Bop-It ever.
----- HOTrod binned. Badly binned.
----- Stu's mum whilst us having a singing sesh.. "WHO THE FUCK IS YOGI BEAR?"
----- His mum getting bored of the singing and shouting.. "Look lads, can we not just play some more of that boing boing zip zip shit?" Hero.

Moira's / The Barn (wow)..
- Basic idea of the day, be ready at Hutch's for 1:30 to go up to swilsons.
- Woke up at 12 in stu's, then decided to get some bacon rolls from moiras.. Get a text at 1:15 asking where I was.. Mare.
- Some strange staff in Moiras. Picture of twin towers on walls.
- Realising I needed to go asap before swilson shot me but couldn’t pick up the courage to ask the lad at Moiras to "hold the bacon rolls".. Asked the lad, but got ignored and he shouted "TEA?" at me.
- Brutal game of swing ball, proper Wimbledon shit. Jess broke it. I won, obviously.
- Meeting Swilsons mum in a sweaty mess after swing ball, not ideal.
- First proper meal in days. Incredible.
- Swilsons' dad feeding me Guinness all day clearly trying to test my ability to drink, wasn’t sure wether it was good to drink away or not.
- Getting fed shots before we left, jess couldn’t handle it what so ever. Amazing face pulled.
- Pitching up at The Barn wondering what the hell was going on.. £2 drinks, happy days.
- Fat bird singing breaks the ice with.. "Yeah, hi.. I used to be in S Club 7, but we aren’t together anymore, because I ate the other six." Huge.
- Music was class, until it turned into something from Kevin and Perry.
- I honestly don’t know what happened?
- Bracey pulled a massive, ugly, sweaty bird.. "For the LADs innit..?"
- Supposedly Lindsey and Swilson pulled.. Still don’t believe it, think Willie was just in a little fantasy..
- Stu beyond stressed leaving the place.
- Getting back to his.. Childsy spewing his load. Standard.

Harry Potter Drinking Game / Hutch Turns 20!..
- Rough morning.
- Childsy, he can deny it all he wants, pissed in a basin next to him during the night.. Sick, sick man. Was woken up by stu holding the basin giving me a look.
- Supposedly Hutch lay in the street and pissed on the garage with stu's mum watching during the night? Huge.
- Back at hutch's.. May aswell go buy myself 26 cans of tennants..
- Being trusted to hide the cake from hutch, taking it far too far.
- Sick of DJ hero within 5 mins.
- Harry potter drinking game, such a bad idea.. Binned by 6pm.
- Football was shit.. Far to binned to care.
- Willies (Lindseys) cake was an absolute triumph.
- Please someone fill these gaps in, I remember chinning vodka for very little reason, rash game of ZSF, spewing, milky pouring a drink all over me, HOTrod piping up to Willie, and willie going fucking crazy. It will never be forgotten.. Someone please help me here?

The Most Awful Journey Home Ever..
- Chilled the next couple of days, as I was beginning to feel constantly ill.
- Leaving it to HOTrod to organise the journey home proved to be a disaster.
- Looking forward to be reunited with the lads after a night at Swilsons to greet them all with awkward smiles on their faces..
- Thanks for forgetting to bring my fucking stuff you pricks.
- How hard can a journey home from Ireland be?
- One word to describe the journey.. "Orange".
- Someone shat in braceys coffee.
- 6 hours, finally back in glasgow. Breaks on car had locked.
- Got going, HUGE tunes sesh on the way home..
- HOTrod can NOT navigate by any means, lost in Edinburgh at 11pm.
- His house is fucking huge.
- In his room, opened up his laptop, porn still on. Classsssssssic.
- Set off at 4:30pm, finally home at 2:30am after getting lost in Cupar.

Missed so much out no doubt, but will add in as it comes to mind. Feel free to get me to add stuff in too.

Amazing week, thanks to the folk who put up with our awful banter and thanks to all the lads and ladies for the efforts, it was class! Definitely up for the same next year!

Over and Out. x

Hey guys, great few days! I don't turn up til Friday, but my memories go like this;

* Arriving from Fort William at the Lad Flat (a journey twice as long as Glasgow-Belfast, btw. Christ), play some FIFA and watch South Park with NML and Milky. Biggest chip butty ever.

---- Day 1 ----
* NML's great find i.e. bacon rolls in Glasgow Airport, followed by the flight which was literally only five-songs-on-the-iPod-long.

* Arrive in Lisburn, first sight I see is Horrible Harry with a tin. Standard.

* Next few hours consist of FIFA, letter-writing and general chat. Then we go to Stu's house....

* Barbecue, followed by Stu's début performance in "My Fair Lady". We may laugh at the dancing and the "get me to the churrrrrrrch" but the man can sing. Be proud, Stu, be proud.

* A circle forms.

* Mrs. Law clearly on the wrong end of some flirting from Het Red.

* When did "Bop It" turn up?

* When did Diana Vickers turn up?

* Rod's 2.0s, no spillage. Incredible.

---- Next Day -----

* Moira's.

* Slowest service in the world, in every defintion of the word "slow".

* Gav being utterly blanked by the staff, whilst running later by the second.

* Fonejacker?

* Twin Towers? And all the other posters worth "£100", apparently.

* Head back to Hutch's, before heading over to The Four Trees.

* Cracking game of football, leading to two girls who have tried to make a career from kareoke singing. And failed.

* Top night in the barn though, loved hearing "castles in the sky". Massive tune.

* The walk back to Stu's, where I chundered in a bag. Thanks Gav

--- Hutch's birthday ----

* Superb cake by Willie and Lindsey. Top work.

* Milky, myself, Rod, NML and Bracey try to represent Scotland in a hit-about against Northern Ireland (ie Hutch's mates). After five minutes of total football, hangovers kick in. Lost 7-2.

* Whilst representing our country, Tom, Stu etc etc are getting binned watching Harry Potter. "Spell, take two".

* World Cup final; meh?

* General antics in elite game of ZBB in kitchen, NML being a bit binned.

Willie: "NML are you binned?"
NML: "I've had half a litre of vodka"
Willie: "So... no then?"

* International Spoof: I like.

---- July 12th ----

* Wake up to find a tent outside and the remnants of a midnight feast.

* Turn on the news, Belfast had a quiet night it seems....

* Fond of these flags, the Irish...

* Head into Belfast, lovely picnic in the gardens of City Hall with food from M&S. Grand.

Great time guys! Was great seeing you all again. Roll on Freshers Week / September! xxx

Chreyst, where to begin?

Day Wan

- Gav faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too keen for it all. I say it all, I mean the plane, and not the flight, the actual plane.
- 10 minute test on the various components of the wing with Professor McCowan
- Cabin Assistant sprinting down the plane offering folk booze for the 8 minutes it takes to hop the pond, guy behind us wanting to kill us for comments such as "The brace position just makes you die quicker when we crash"
- Gav and Cod Prod getting far too close in the back of Hutch's car
- The beginning of a wonderful relationship between Tim Harely and Patch (errr Hey Guys)
- Daltons is no Baguette Express...
- WIllie lives in the middle of nowhere
- Tore my shorts missing the goal of the century
- Therefore ended up with half of Willies sport gear
- Stu Law is hot for Dogs, picture evidence on Facebook
- Went to Connors house, determined that everyone in NI has a small dog
- Total domination by Spain, and the most people I've ever seen crammed onto a 2 seater sofa
- The state of Pollock's dick still gives me nightmares
- Washing machine fire
- International Spoof, Redpath Senior showing where the magic came from
- Singsong

-WILLIES MUM PLAYING THE SASH ON THE ACCORDION


Next Day

-Bomb Scare, then took in some culture in the form of McDonalds and Hollister, the two cornerstones of Northern Irish Society
-Started boozing at Hutchies, obviously got more binned than I thought as I was shouting the wrong names at people at around half 8...
- Chuffed at the maaaassive crew that turned up for pre-skite at Hutchies
- Box is just giant Viper
- People were far too excited by the fact we had Scottish accents - ("Say Och aye The Noo!!" "Och Aye the Noo" "AHAHAHAHAHAHA")
- Booze was cheap, also made best mates with the lad who was working in the toilet before accidentally dropping a bottle on his foot
- McBrapney was a state
- Standing quietly minding my own business having a drink before I'm getting chucked out as Spew Lol pointed at me as he was getting chucked out for being punched. Cheers Stu.
- Wondering round a car park in the rain for an hour before singing Liverpool songs with some drunk Paddys who then decided they loved Glasgow boys
- Taxi back to Hutchies, asked the Liverpool fan driver his opinion of Liverpool, before instantly talking over him before he had a chance to reply
- Sitting in my pants in Hutchies kitchen watching everyone slowly hate McCann more and more
- Chucking McCanns shoes on the roof (I think)

Day Three

- Woke up spooning what I thought was Hutch. It wasn't, it was Danny Mallo his big bro.
- Jumping into Gav and Swilsons bed for the early mooning spoon sandwich - "Don't worry it's not me, it's the Polar Bear"
- Nigel then proceeded at Gav's request to explain how Climate Change was impacting upon his environment. Nigel made a solid case for Natural Climate Change and not Man-Made Climate Change.
- Went to Tesco and bought Sorbet? Then see McCann standing in a borrowed England top and no shoes, still binned, being asked by his Dad's hockey coach "McCann, Where The Fuck are your shoes?"
- Getting screamed at by Hutches neighbours for partying too late...
- 6 hour journey back to Glasgow, Yeah it's only two hours on the boat and one on the train. Bollocks.

Anyway, Had an awesome time. I'm coming back at Christmas time. Try and stop me.

xx

here we go...

1st day

-Gavin waking me 10mins before we had to leave and I was still ready before Bracey...
-being in a mad rush for the train, with only Lindsey in a calm state of mind
-HOTrod beginning a tally of awkward silences everytime he spoke, we must of been on 7 by the time we got off the train...
-Gav explaining every aspect of the plane
-Getting off the plane and to everyones disappointment there wer no leprechauns and to quote someone "this is just like mainland Britain isn't it?" "Yea" "this is shit"
-Going to Daltons were i run into my old singing teacher... little did i know this was going to be one of the less embarrassing things to happen to me..
-Showing all the girls my cat
-Getting binned/watching the lads play football/bbq at Willies
-Scholesy arriving and after taking one disapproving look at me asking if i was binned, to which i replied, "yes, yes i am."
-Crate chat with Willies parents and everyone playing Willies dads drinking game!
-Willies mum and her Accordian...
-Hotrod making another awkward moment with the guitar.
-No memory of car journey home..

2nd day

-Rory 'piss pants' McCann LAD
-going to Holister and spending too much money
-Instead of taking the bus tour we bring everyone to the top of Victoria Square and decide that will do instead.
-Getting wrecked at Hutchys with a huge Glasgow crowd!
-Box, was really good, then took a turn for the worse.
-I owe Iain Oliphant a night out on me. Thats right Iain, its here in writting (as long as you dont delete it)
-blur...

3rd day

-Childsy, NML and Milky show up
-off to my house for a BBQ
-CHREYST
-Everyone watches me in my school play....
-Circle forms
-Mums binned, Sisters binned, Her mate is binned... fuck
-My sister turns on her mate "WHY DID YOU BREAK THE SEAL YOU STUPID BITCH!"
-everything just got out of hand...

4th day

-Breakfast at Moiras
-Campbell and I finish our meals a good hour before Milky gets served his.
-back to hutchs to get changed then off to the 4trees for the football, well played Germany!
-Everyone arrives at the 4trees and more locals show up, bracey takes advantage of the locals. LAD
-hutch chins his dirty pint in the cubicle in the toilets and refuses to throw up, later resulting in him pissing in my driveway and colapsing in the road....
-There was a basin of piss in my living room..
-Great night had by all i reckon!

5th day

-Mum and dad refusing to let Hutchy drive as he was still a complete mess....
-Stopping at Toys R US to get Hutch a B'day present. (DJ HERO is the single best thing ever)
-Hotrod being fairly useless in Toys R Us
-Fighting with Lightsabers with Tom for about 5minutes, never gets old.
-Bringing gav to get beer, he witnessed the WORST attempt at a parallel park ever. i mean ever.
-Harry Potter drinking game. Voldemort=take 4.
-Binned by about 7.
-Once again Scholesy turned up, looked at me and said, "you are binned." "yes, yes i am,"
-Some rash drinking games kicked off in the kitchen...
-Gill Stewart was there??!
-I lost my sight...
-cant remember going to bed....

6th day, well actually the 12th!

-went into Belfast to try and find a parade. FAIL.
-wondered round Belfast a bit and then bid farewell to a few LADS
-eventually decided to leave and watched the crowds start to form... some of the scariest characters i have ever seen...
-gave up on waiting on the parade so decided to go home, but little did we know that we were actually stuck until the full parade went past...
-stood and watched a load of marching.
-i started freaking out cos i lost the ability to drive and nearly killed both Club Captains, Bracey and Tom...
-Running around Sainsburys at 6.55 due to it closing at 7.00... some dick bought far too much rice.
-Tom and Lindsey supervised an AMAZING meal which i didnt help cus i know i would have recked it.... (probably for the best tbh)
-Watched Willies dad perform at Lisburn Cricket Club, a venue which was not ideal for dancing, yet HOTrod still managed to get on the dancefloor with Mrs Redpath....

theres lots more that happened but I cant remember...

I had a great week with everyone and hope you can all come over again next summer! You're always welcome at my house!
xxxx

are we really still welcome stu??

my favs bits were:
- not being allowed breakfast by gav as "it's 8 minutes till our train leaves and we don't even know where the platform is".
- HOTrod is a goon.
- pulling up at swilsons after an hours drive with HOTrod declairing "we havnt brought any of gavs stuff", there was no "we". involved it was completely his fault!!
- Being chased around sainsburys by a 10 year old boy.
- Willy calling Hutch to ask what spices he has in the cupboard and after a few mins realising its HOTrod on the phone.
- Giantscauseway was class. even if gav moaned through it.
- blanking scholesys pal twice in holister after being at the bar with her the night before
- swilson: "i'm so glad you guys fell asleep, i nearly killed us all" on the drive back.
- stus complete lack of sense of direction. though he really isnt as bad a driver as he thinks!
- my fair lady. LAD

cheers for looking after us guys - and all the driving!!!
lots oflove
xxxxxx